• France so far: Reims, Dijon, Lyons. Champers, Saucisson, Moutard, Bourgogne, Escargot, Cotes du Rhone, Boeuf Fondue! Next stop Dordogne #

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• I think I will drive to France. See you in a fortnight. #
• #nowplaying The Fall – Frightened. From Live At The Witch Trials. A Fall high point. #
• RT @Marcotti @iainmacintosh: Idiot, Fabio! Why aren't you picking untested teenagers & fighty Geordies on basis of MOTD highlights? Knobber. #
• Thankful to hear MUFC & MCFC reserves walk out to Stone Roses last night at Bluewen Fields. A blast of Oasis might have been a bit too much. #
• RT @jonnyblackwell @DoronSalomon: great stats on why scholes is no dirtier than the #arsenal players http://bit.ly/93V3br #manutd #darkside #
• 3-1 United. Macheda & Cleverley. Game over. #
• 3-1 to United. Macheda & Cleverly. #
• Watch the Manchester Derby tonight! #MCFC v #MUFC reserves playing @ Hyde FC's Ewen Fields. £3 adults. Some big (surplus) names on show?? #
• Am I really rooting for Liverpool here? I'm trying hard to pretend I don't care. #
• #nowplaying Iron Maiden – The Final Frontier. Epic & sometimes silly but wonderfully Maiden. #

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• Great Oz win for Priestley but more important final appearance for Hylton me thinks. Up & coming & trying to make it vs sunset stage. #darts #
• @iCowbrown Aaaaaaare you Chelski in disguiiiiise??? Welcome to The Prem. Thankfully that god-awful tash will be introduced to a razor. #
• New DartsMad Post: : Priestley Turns Up Down Under http://www.dartsmad.com/darts-news/2010/08/22/priestley-turns-up-down-under/ #pdc #darts #
• I'm on t'wireless this morning – as a Hyde FC fan on REM's Sportsman's Breakfast. 10-12. http://www.rochvalleyradio.org.uk/ #
• New DartsMad Post: Under-21 World Darts Championship is Launched http://bit.ly/deSxwH | Great initiative for young chuckers! #darts #rileys #
• @VizTopTips convince the bloke next door you're a stalker by following his wife everywhere #
• @Classifeeds RUSTY TROMBONE. Needs a polish but otherwise in good working order. £5 or swap for Quim Flute. tel: 0191 555 8888 #
• Oh my big chin & dodgy muzzy! Straight after Talk Talk on Sky Arts is Thin Lizzy – Live & Dangerous. More wine please. #
• Just finished reading Giles Smith's wonderful Lost in Music, now onto Gig by Simon Armitage. #
• #nowplaying on Sky Arts: Talk Talk live at Montreaux '86. Happy Bass Slapping! #
• RT @hydefcfans: The Man City v Man Utd reserves MSC tie at Ewen Fields (Tuesday, 7pm) is segregated. Prices: adults £3, OAPs & U16s £1. #
• RT @Jason_Manford: Did you see this when i posted it last night? I've watched it about 40 times! http://bit.ly/caFbtM | His face! #
• RT @rioferdy5: I think chris brown takes Timberlake, usher & omarion in a dance off all day… | Great news for @iCowbrown #
• Real Madrid have signed 5 midfielders & already have 8 first teamers. Jose will no doubt convert half of them into much needed defenders. #
• Corned beef & beetroot butties with a steaming mug of Tetley. #lifessimplepleasures #
• Companies House = rip off. And it costs £15 to submit your return – for what?? #
• Companies House = slowest website ever. Just taken me 40 minutes to file my annual return where nothing has changed. #
• RT @NMEmagazine: The Orb to release new album featuring Pink Floyd's David Gilmour http://dlvr.it/3wcRN | Great news for @iCowbrown #
• Anybody done the "you shouldn't mess with Young Boys" joke yet? #
• RT @VizTopTips HEAVY METAL FANS. Turn yr sister's Girls Aloud poster into a Def Leppard one by drawing moustaches on the girls @DrDoneLittle #
• My Twifficiency score is 38%. Whats yours? http://twifficiency.com/ #
• Presumably Rafael van der Vaart is now surplus to requirements at Santiago Bernabeu & can be picked up at a snip? Class act. #
• #Ozil & #Khedira combined have cost #RealMadrid £23m. If that ain't "value" Fergie I don't know what is. Erm, Does Fergie follow me? #
• Jungpana Supreme Finest First Flush Darjeeling Leaves. #qualitycuppatostarttheday #
• Scholesy masterclass & Giggs prolongs his scoring record that probably won't be beaten. Oh and Hyde lost again #

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• #Nadal really needs to get bigger shorts or a smaller arse. #tennis #bigbutts #
• Most sportsmen have some kind of habit but none bug me more than Rafa #Nadal picking his shorts out of his arse. #tennis #murray #
• All White for City at Joe Hart Lane #tomorrowsheadines ..? #spurs #mcfc #epl #football #
• @LFCSandra aren't Howard & Robinson both keepers??. Solid looking team but Upson is crap. Dustin = Distin? #
• Sheiky stuff from City – they're getting mullered and will owe Joe Hart a large beer if they get anything out of this game. #
• @TheSportReview just RT'd your league – be nice of you to RT mine pin code 666108-156424 #
• And if you are playing http://fantasy.premierleague.com/ you can join our private league (£5 a team). Use pin code 666108-156424. Game on! #
• Last shout for Dream Team fanatics – £5 a team, winner takes all (ie. me!) http://fantasyfootball.telegraph.co.uk/currentxi/4013686 #
• Last minute #PremierLeague dream team deliberations..! Finding it difficult this season. #
• Shutter Island – what the giddy thump? #
• #ff @kenpootCFC ritebakachya. Darts Peeps – @ivegotthepower @tonymartin180 @krispy_b @DelMay @Dartoid @Bachelorofdarts @Russ180 – good eggs #
• My new Vaio has arrived. I may be gone some time. Anybody want to buy a Dell Vostro 1500? vg spec & ex condition. #
• #ff @ScottP78 seems like a decent chap so check him out. For the footy pulse – @Marcotti @OliverKayTimes @henrywinter @FootballRamble #
• RT @davecskydarts: #Phil Taylor #Darts 50 today & still practicing quote .. 'Yes bud be on the board in a minute'. That's what makes a champ #
• The Intelligence² Debate – Stephen Fry (Unedited) http://dai.ly/dyJv4S on @dailymotion | Everybody should watch this #
• RT @NMEmagazine: Ray Winstone talks about being struck by lightning in new UNKLE video – watch now http://dlvr.it/3jP56 | This is great. #
• Wasabi Pringles. #lifessimplebutfierypleasures #
• Eh?! Where did this come from?? Man Utd sign another striker. http://bit.ly/9c35On #
• Good to see Mexico v Spain in the Azteca was halved with two goals made in Manchester by Javier Hernandez & David Silva #
• International heavyweights struggle pre-season. Italy & France still in the mire. Only Brazil show any flair. http://bit.ly/93TXVU #
• Just heard the wonderful Babylon's Burning by The Ruts (not W.A.S.P.) for the first time in ages. Total word count = 23! Nee naw nee naw… #
• It looks like #ENG are giving the last 10 mins to a kid who's won the raffle #
• Stephen Hawking advises we colonise another planet to survive. I reckon Fabio #Capello would gladly book a seat on the first shuttle. #ENG #
• Oh the irony of another goal line controversy. That one was not in. You couldn't write it. #
• Is one of the Hungary players called Backsack? Can't wait to see him have a crack. #
• Decent looking team for #ENG. Good shape about it & square pegs in square holes. Well done Fabio. #
• Top Darts Aces in The Zone at Rileys. More world class darts zones coming your way – http://bit.ly/bT1AEd. #darts #rileys #
• Look into my eyes, not around my eyes. Now close your eyes and when you reopen them the sun will have magically turned to rain. #
• Bacon & cheese crumpets. #lifessimplepleasures #
• RT @DerrenBrown: Blog: Electron spin technology demonstrated for 1st time http://bit.ly/aIoaC1 | Pay attention class. #
• Very sad – Exeter striker Adam Stansfield has died at the age of 31 following a battle against cancer. #
• I've entered my Fantasy Footy 2010/11 team into a super league. Think you can do better? http://bit.ly/aw44WH #
• US 400m runner Antonio Pettigrew has died – only 42. Sketchy details thus far. #
• RT @DerrenBrown: Blog post: Lightning in slo-mo http://bit.ly/cqXXBm | Amazing #
• Arcade Fire are playing Manc Central (GMEX) in December which rules me out – can't stand the place for a gig. #
• RT @DerrenBrown: Blog post: Brian Blessed to voice TomTom SatNav systems http://bit.ly/bwhbP6 | WHHHHHHAAAAAATTT???? #

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• Is it me or is the previously indomitable Fabio Capello turning into something of a Buffoon? Doesn't he speak to players?? #
• I've been sucked into a Heroes vortex.7th episode in 3 days just started. Still awaiting heights of season 1. #
• Did somebody mention there's a game on? I'm ready. http://twitpic.com/2ctc8x #
• RT @DerrenBrown: Blog post: What Colliding Galaxies Look Like: Photos That Will Amaze http://bit.ly/aOAK06 #
• New Arcade Fire album = awesome. Once again. The majesty fully revealed on 3rd listen. Highlight = Month Of May. Quality. #
• Ten rules for writing fiction – great article for aspiring writers. http://bit.ly/dkQ6Ul #
• FBI Picks a Fight with Wikipedia. An entertaining but rather pointless battle appears to be looming. http://bit.ly/dcswQi #
• Golf news: club comp debut ended in disappointment with a net 82 earning 102nd place out of 140+. Played ok but never got going. Zero luck. #
• Good PSF win for Hyde today – 9-0 against some Scouse soap dodgers. Sets The Tigers up grand for the season opener against Telford next week #
• Finally got my official club handicap of 23 and just about to leave to play my first Saturday club comp – wish me luck! #
• Worth tweeting about this – £5 for £20 worth of food and drinks @ Zouk Manchester – http://www.groupon.co.uk/in/.fUpkqh/,54077?nlp #
• Top 10 worst penalty misses ever! http://bit.ly/cO0tLq via @WhiteMugTwit | No. 3 is my fave but I love the commentary on Del Piero's #
• Elvis, The Who, Sex Pistols, Nirvana & Arctic Monkeys made the 5 Most Important Rock Songs Of All Time, do you agree? http://bit.ly/cOGXWp #
• The Psychology of Conspiracy Theories – http://b2l.me/afdzmh (via @DerrenBrown) #
• Join our TFF Fantasy League if you're hard enough. Use Name: THE REAL PREMIER LEAGUE | PIN: 8000831 for the league. http://bit.ly/9DBZa1 #
• #nowplaying on a tip from @Beathhigh I currently have Spooky Two by Spooky Tooth #
• @rioferdy5 I've just started following England's captain and cannot believe he's rioferdy..5..! who are rioferdy's 1 to 4? #
• mp3 cataloguing done so moved on to Fantasy Dream Team management now. Whilst still munching Fromage et Piment Explosif Pringles. #myheaven #
• I've entered my Fantasy Football 2010/11 teams into a super league. Fancy it? http://fantasyfootball.telegraph.co.uk/currentxi/4113457 #
• I've picked my Fantasy Footy team for 2010/11. Think you can do better? http://fantasyfootball.telegraph.co.uk/currentxi/4013686 #TFF10/11 #
• Organising & listening to new mp3s whilst slurping Budweiser & munching Exploding Cheese & Chilli Pringles. *sighs* #lifessimplepleasures #
• RT @VizTopTips: GOK WAN. Quadruple your viewing figures by simply only having fit broads, with big cans, on your show. /via @Calhoon #
• RT @NMEmagazine: Dr Dre to release instrumental album inspired by the solar system http://dlvr.it/3PH7M. Lol – I bet this is good. #
• 7-1 – Nani penner. Cool as a cucumber. With a tan. And a soul glo haircut. #
• SHIT! They've pulled one back. It's going to be a nervy last 10 minutes now. #
• Not a fan of nicknames on back of shirts. It's Hernandez, not Chicharito. Stuart Pearce didn't have Psycho, although I'd have accepted that #
• 6-0 United – Big bad Johnny Evans from the corner of his fod….from a corner. #
• Well I'll go to the swings in our Park! Ji Sung makes it 5 in spite of his wild bouffon. #
• 4-0 United – neat finish from Valencia. This result puts us top of Ireland I think. #
• 3-0 United. The Little Pea strikes again. #
• Michael Owen has just scored a great goal against a mighty Airtricity League XI. 2-0 United. #
• Think you know yer arrers? Have a go at the PDPA Darts Quiz to win a signed photo… it ain't easy. http://bit.ly/9ZmEaV #
• Aaan-derrr-son-son-son. He's a very lucky man. http://bit.ly/azFUjU #
• @VizTopTips GOLFERS. If you are struggling for distance you are probably standing too close to the ball. After you have hit it. #
• I see Andy Murray is Scottish again #
• Dominant Taylor Retains Euro Crown. The Power juggernaut rolls on. http://bit.ly/cAjRhO #pdc #darts #

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• Woody dumps Barney out. PartyPoker.net European Championship Quarter-Final Round-Up. http://bit.ly/bJISjT #pdc #darts #
• Two Edinburgh preview shows @ Didders CC tonight – Justin Moorhouse & Alun Cochrane. Can't beat that for sick squid. #
• @justinmoorhouse I'll be watching you in Didders fella – break a leg & then joke about it #
• Amusing to see Vieira red carded for elbowing ex-team mate Materazzi. Where there's trouble there's usually Materazzi. No wins yet for City. #
• Scare for Barney as Taylor powers on. PartyPoker.net European Championship – Saturday Evening Round-Up. http://bit.ly/dymEy5 #pdc #darts #
• Terry Bullies The Wizard. PartyPoker.net European Championship – Saturday Afternoon Round-Up. http://bit.ly/aJ4OOJ #pdc #darts #
• @Jason_Manford I recently changed my Windows password & made a note of it in my Outlook Email program…that you have to be logged in to use #
• Looking forward to a pigout @ the Gurkha Grill in Didders later. If a man says he is not afraid of a phal, he is either lying or is a Gurkha #
• Well done Woody – finally transferring floor form to the big stage under TV lights, although he might wander into a Barney brick wall next #
• @catwoman123 I couldn't as I was on holiday…and I'm on holiday for the next one as well..! I've signed up & am keeping in the loop. #
• Watched Cloverfield last night & thought it was ok. Might go watch Hyde FC & hope they're as good. I see The Little Pea downed his new club. #
• DartsMad Blog: No. 2 Is Not A Bad Place To Be. Why Barney has a cushy number & who's the 2nd greatest? http://bit.ly/aQwOZf #pdc #darts #
• Barney looking mean again but Wade falls. PartyPoker.net European Championship – Night Two Round-Up. http://bit.ly/dlsPHT #pdc #darts #
• Taylor & Whitlock through but King & Anderson fall. European Championships Night 1 Review – http://bit.ly/9CZ299 #pdc #darts #
• Typical. I miss the exciting pre-season friendly where United score five and stay up until all hours to watch the drab ones. #
• @catwoman123 fine ta, yourself? writing much? I'm 4000 words into my children's story would you believe?! #
• Taylor aiming for Euro hat-trick. PartyPoker.net European Championship Preview – http://bit.ly/buTwTY. #pdc #darts #
• has updated his location to….Home. #
• How can Ferrari defend themselves? They fixed a race. It's against the rules. It's cheating. They should lose their Hockenheim points. #
• Hilarious – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has had a go at Paul the Octopus. He must have had money on Holland like me. #
• New DartsMad Post: : Belgian Open 2010 Details http://www.dartsmad.com/darts-news/2010/07/26/belgian-open-2010-details/ #bdo #wdf #darts #
• United weren't very good tonight. In other news, City lost again. *snigger* #

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• Right, it's almost midnight here so time to head out to watch The Reds in a Beefa bar. #
• 11th World Matchplay Title For Taylor. http://bit.ly/avaRim #pdc #darts #
• City's "ambition" convinced Kolarov apparently. I bet it did – the ambition to pay the highest wages ever seen is quite convincing. #
• Bromberg Wins PDC Unicorn Women's World Championship. http://bit.ly/aTOvHY #pdc #darts #
• It's a Power v Barney World Matchplay final – http://bit.ly/acgsak #pdc #darts #
• Chilling in the Ibizan box room listening to Kumharas chillout cd's that I've just bought from…Kumharas. #
• Fook me. RIP The Hurricane. #
• Right, Full English here I come – can I find English bacon? Course I can, it's Spain. #
• DartsMad Post: StanJames.com World Matchplay Friday Night Round Up – Taylor, Barney march on. http://bit.ly/bBLCQj #pdc #darts #
• Mind you, I did venture out for the afternoon and had a couple of cheeky ones watching the darts. It was cloudy you see. #
• Still on the white isle of Ibiza – tonight I'm mostly being good, staying in, & writing. Con una botella de Campo Viejo como mi amigo. #
• World Matchplay Friday Afternoon Quarter Finals Round Up. Wade & Whitlock through to semis – http://bit.ly/akNqg6 #pdc #darts #
• New DartsMad Post: : StanJames.com World Match… http://bit.ly/aDWbaj #
• It doesn't matter where I am in the world – a nice cup of tea to start the day is always the order of the morning #
• Barney Powers On in Blackpool. Pre-tournament 18-1 odds looking very good now. Were you on it? http://bit.ly/cIcgNg #pdc #darts #matchplay #
• New DartsMad Post: : StanJames.com World Matchplay – Night Four Round-Up http://bit.ly/bdbN3b #
• Anderson & Whitlock on fire in Blackpool. World Matchplay night 3 round up. http://bit.ly/aJ6Tcv #pdc #darts #

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• I'm glad The Open is boring or it might have distracted me from the 30+ degrees on the roof terrace & 6th book of the Hitchhiker's trilogy #
• Seems like The Open has been a closed book since round 2 – deserved runaway victory but hardly exciting. #
• #Barney hits 9-darter on first night of World Matchplay – beware the Big Oranje Fella. http://bit.ly/bTaW74 #pdc #darts #
• Stanjames.com World Matchplay Preview – Barney biggest odds he's ever been! http://bit.ly/d6EAhP #pdc #darts #
• My happiness of Roxy Music playing the MEN next year is slightly tainted by the £60 ticket price. Anyway, all signed & sealed, I'll take it. #
• I must be honest, I never expected my "Heskey will never score for England again" prediction to be proved right quite so quickly. #
• It Will Be All Wright On The Night for the Ladies World Championship. http://bit.ly/9IUp4C #pdc #darts #
• New DartsMad Post: : It Will Be All Wright … http://bit.ly/9IUp4C #pdc #darts #
• @garygodwin tweet tweet Godders! #garygodwinjoinstwitter #becauseheloveshashtags #
• @tomcornwall it was my captain #
• #5wordsbeforesex I must improve my thrust #
• I've been 'dark' for a few days after stag do shenanigans in Benidorm. On the White Isle of Ibiza now so updates will be sparse. Inabit… #

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• @therealpeej Beatles, Cash & Fall give you a lifetime of material..! You've definitely gone for quantity #
• Messi, Drogba, Ronaldo, Fabregas, Rooney & Kaka – millionaire flops. #
• All but one (Fabregas) of the 6 "world stars" on my #worldcup wallchart have gone home after scoring just 2 goals between them. #
• @VizTopTips TEST whether a rolling stone gathers any moss by dragging Keith Richards across your local field. #
• Desert iPod Discs. If you could only keep 5 artists/bands on your iPod who would survive? http://www.raindropsolutions.com/blog/?p=348 #

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• Lol – that ain't the rules. You gotta choose 5 and then that's it for all eternity. Everything else gets deleted so you gotta be sure! #
• Desert iPod Discs. If you could only keep 5 artists/bands on your iPod who would survive? http://www.raindropsolutions.com/blog/?p=348 #
• As the aroma of chorizo & paprika wafts through from La Cucina, I smell an Espanol gooooooooooooooooaaallllll. #
• Old bloke sat watching #worldcup QF with wife. "That little bald Spanish one is good. Iniesta?" Esther agrees not looking up from her sewing #
• Those pesky Germans have now torpedoed #ENG plus my #ARG & Higuain bets. Why didn't I just back #GER? Its a #worldcup I should have known #
• I've made a large jug of Mojito & am watching How Rock Grew Up b4 the Spain Paraguay game. Spanish Chicken & Chorizo for tea. Encantador! #
• Watching #GER's Mesut Ozil always leaves me humming McCartney's Frog Song for the rest of the day. #worldcup #
• About that Lukas Podolski – anybody know what a "podol" is? #
• #recipeoftheday Take a #worldcup quarter final, marinate in 2 cans of Bombardier and top with salted & roasted peanuts #
• I have four £20 e/w bets riding on this #worldcup – #ARG & #NED to win, Higuain & van Persie for golden boot. Still well in the hunt for 3. #
• Did you know Kaka means 'overrated' in Portugese? #BRA #worldcup #
• Don Fabio stays as England boss and has a lot to repair. He has to ditch the dead wood & get youth in & he must move away from a rigid 442 #
• Reality of non league: "Pre-season training starts this w/end. All other players are non-contract, so we wait to see who turns up". Hyde FC #
• Whilst drying after a shower I noticed I was in full view of the street from one angle! Would that be indecent exposure or voyeurism? #
• Just got the shock of my life as a frog jumped onto the BACK OF MY HAND as I picked up some weeds in the garden. Jeepers! #
• @iCowbrown listened to all of them pretty much! #
• Just TV surfed to Mr & Mrs and was gutted to see Bez & Vic Reeves lose to chisel chin Coulthard. What a fix. #
• @iCowbrown straw down. I'm up for GY!BE if tix still available. They seem like they might be interesting to watch. #
• #nowplaying Dr Feelgood – Down By The Jetty. #
• Micro Review: England @ South Africa 2010. Complete & utter shite. 1/10. #worldcup #ENG #
• New DartsMad Post: : Part Wins North Americ… http://www.dartsmad.com/darts-news/2010/07/01/part-wins-north-american-darts-championship/ #
• New DartsMad Post: : StanJames.com World Ma… http://bit.ly/dsWLjo #pdc #darts #
• New DartsMad Post: : Co Stomps on the Vegas Field http://www.dartsmad.com/darts-news/2010/06/30/co-stomps-on-the-vegas-field/ #pdc #darts #
• Most of the England #worldcup Fairy Cakes were rejected at my #ENG party on Sunday & I'm having to eat up the pieces. #englandfallout #
• #ENG have arranged a moral boosting friendly against Iceland. If they win they go on to play Tesco & Sainsbury. #worldcup #englandjokes #
• #POR have been involved in the #worldcup match with most shots (41 v #PRK) & the least (12 v CIV) – which Portugal will we get tonight? #
• RT @DerrenBrown: Blog post: LHC smashes beam collision record, Earth not sucked in to black hole http://bit.ly/cdTKXF #
• New DartsMad Post: : Vegas Win For Anderson http://www.dartsmad.com/darts-news/2010/06/29/vegas-win-for-anderson/ #pdc #darts #
• I sat in the garden for breakfast & cat brought me a mouse. Sat in garden for lunch & cat brought me a bird. Is he telling me something? #
• New DartsMad Post: : Taylor Wins US Open PC http://www.dartsmad.com/darts-news/2010/06/28/taylor-wins-us-open-pc/ #pdc #darts #

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